it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
