I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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