omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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