you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
dude. I can hear the air.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
