In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
