dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
