You made me cry and you don't even care
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have aggressive nipples.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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