I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
