Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
