Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
