I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
