Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
