Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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