I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
