i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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