there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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