Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
