Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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