you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
being pregnant is like rehab
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
