Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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