He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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