Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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