I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
