it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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