Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
