Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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