That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
