I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
