We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
