so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Text me some of your sweat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
