and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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