with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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