nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
