FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
