therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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