Three words: puerto rican gang bang
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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