Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
