I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
