Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
