So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
