If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
