soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
