I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
