Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just tell him i said nine months
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
