Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
