Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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