$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
