She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sext me about skeletons
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
