Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
