Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
